“Choose Joy!” We see the slogan everywhere – t-shirts, posters, even in songs. But I am going out on a limb to propose something here. Choosing joy is impossible. It can’t be done.

Joy is defined as the emotion of great pleasure or a feeling of extreme delight.  It goes deeper than just happiness in that it is a sense of complete inner contentment and peace.

So I ask you: Can you choose how you feel? 

Psychologists define emotions as the automatic, unconscious body reactions to stimuli. If I’m walking down the street and a big ferocious-looking dog comes running up to me, bearing its teeth and growling, I definitely don’t say to myself, I’m going to choose to feel fear right now. Fear automatically jumps into my chest! Likewise, if someone does something that offends me, anger might start stewing inside me beyond my control. Emotions just burst upon us without asking permission.

After our 21-year-old daughter Lexi left this earth, my heart was heavy with unbearable grief. The pain filled my whole body every minute of every day. I tried to put on a smile and go through the motions of life, but I was basically faking it, because deep down I was hurting so much. I could not force myself to be happy. I could not make myself feel joyful. I could not say to myself, Come on, Self, feel better! Just feel happiness and peace! Impossible. 

Could I choose my attitude? Sure. I could go about my day trying to be positive and grateful. But choosing joy, the deep-down feeling of peace, contentment, and fulfillment – that I could not do. I could not force it to happen. To be honest, I’m not sure I even wanted to.  

In the book of John, Jesus gives some insight into how joy works. “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (15:5). If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love (15:10). These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full (15:12).”

These verses explain the source of joy, and it is definitely not within myself. Jesus clearly states that without him, we can do nothing. But when we abide in God, HE will fill us with joy.

So what does it mean to abide? The Greek word for “abide” in this passage is meno, which means “to remain” or “to stay.” How do we stay in God’s love? According to Jesus, abiding is very clearly connected to obedience. When we keep the Father’s commandments, we remain in his love. And this in turn brings joy. But not just a little joy – Jesus emphasizes that our joy will be FULL! 

This clears up verses throughout the Bible about going through trials that have often brought me confusion and frustration. Like James 1: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…” How? I have often wondered. How do I get any joy out of this trial? That’s easy to say, but impossible to do! But in the context of Jesus’s words in John, it all makes perfect sense. Yes, we can absolutely find joy in trials. It is a gift given by God when we stay close to him and continue to obey him. And it is how extreme heart pain and deep-down joy can co-exist.    

Hebrews 12:2 tells us to look to Jesus, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross…” Jesus, as he spoke the words to his disciples recorded in John 15, knew the pain he would soon have to go through on the cross. But he also knew the joy of remaining obedient to his Father’s will. How amazing that he is our ultimate example of finding joy through obeying God in the midst of trials!

And I myself can attest to this God-given joy. No matter how hard I tried, I could not force joy into my heart. But through striving to abide in God, it miraculously found its way there. God has put people and experiences in my life that have brought me a wonderful sense of comfort and peace. And through his Word and through prayer, I have felt his presence in a way that has made me feel more connected to him than I have ever felt before, which has brought unexplainable pleasure and contentment down in the bottom of my soul. I have felt his joy within me, and it has been FULL!

So, a word to the wise: Don’t choose joy. You will most likely fail and be disappointed. It’s an impossible task. Choose Jesus, and watch true joy fill your life.