What happens when we do everything we are supposed to do, but things don’t work out the way they’re supposed to work out?

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) Yep. Check. Did that!

So why did our oldest daughter end up having so many struggles? Why did she fight against us, neglect her health, run away from home, flunk out of college, and turn to drugs to cope with her problems? We raised her in a Christian home; she went to church, and she confessed her faith as a child. What went wrong? 

First, I have to make sure I interpret God’s Word properly. The Bible is not like an owner’s manual, giving us instructions to make everything in life always run smoothly and perfectly. The “train up a child” verse is a proverb –  a wise saying that offers advice, NOT an exact formula or a promise. Never does the Bible tell us that “good behavior” will guarantee a perfect result. Because unfortunately, we live in a fallen world, a world where sin exists and people are imperfect. 

But sometimes (dare I say especially as Christians) we tend to expect this. It’s easy to put ourselves on a bit of a pedestal. We think we’re doing pretty well “following the instructions” and therefore we think we deserve good results. The funny thing is that pride is has a way of sneakily lurking under the surface without us even realizing that it’s there. I was unaware that I was carrying around pride in my abilities as a mother. I loved being a mom and I felt a smug satisfaction that I was doing everything right.  My identity rested in my role as a mother, and I put my own self-worth in the success of my kids.

Trials have a way of exposing these things. 

In his book Suffering, Paul David Tripp points out, “It never works to look to another for your identity. It never works to ask people to give you meaning and purpose. It never goes well when you ask another flawed human being to be the source of your happiness.” We cannot base our happiness on the success of our kids. Not only is it unfair to put that pressure on them, but it is not honoring to God. He is the only one capable of fulfilling all of our needs perfectly. My self-worth should not be found in my abilities in being a mom, or anything else I do. My self-worth is found in the fact that God created me and chose me and loves me.

Furthermore, I was not giving credit where credit was due! I was giving myself all the credit for being a “good mom.” But anything I accomplish is a direct result of His goodness and grace. He allowed me and gave me the ability to instruct and train my kids. Their faith is a direct result of Him working in their hearts. And He deserves all the glory for who they have become. 

Paul knew his worth was in Christ, and he continually gave God all the glory for his ministry. “In Christ Jesus, then, I have reason to be proud of my work for God. For I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me…” (Romans 15:17-18) His pride was in Christ and the work He was doing through him. 

This is such a comforting truth. What a relief that my worth is not found in in the outcome of my efforts. What a relief that I can rest in God’s love for me without worrying about having to prove myself. And what a joy to give Him glory when good things come my way. 

A few weeks ago, Scottie Scheffler headed into the fourth round of the Masters golf tournament with a solid lead. As he was discussing his upcoming final round with his friends that morning, they reminded him that no matter what the outcome of the tournament, his victory was already secure – he already had victory in Christ as his Savior. His golf performance that day would not determine his self-worth or his eternal salvation. (And it was fun to hear him proclaim that message after winning the tournament!)  Who knows – maybe that perspective is what allowed him to win. He is someone we can look up to for giving all glory to God for his gifts and his accomplishments.

Lord, help me not to take credit for anything I do or accomplish, even in the most subtle of ways. Let me always give you all the glory and gratitude for every good thing. Let my feeling of worth be in the fact that you have chosen me and love me and secured my eternal future.