“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Cor. 13:12b

One of the most prevalent emotions I felt as we were walking through struggles with Lexi, and in the days after her death, was confusion. How was this happening? We had sincerely tried to do everything “right.”. Why was this happening? It made no sense. How were we supposed to help her? We often felt lost and alone. How could God take her from us? It was so sudden, and she was so young, with so much potential and hope in front of her.

This world is full of so many unanswerable questions. So many things that don’t make sense.  St. Augustine discusses the incongruencies of this world in his magnificent book City of God. He points out the hard reality that we often watch wicked people live long lives of perfect health, while those who are righteous and good are stricken with disease or snatched away at an early age. Corrupt and deceptive people often rise to the top, while those who are holy are often cast aside or disrespected. Regularly, good things happen to bad people, and bad things to good people. 

Augustine says we could come to terms with this if there seemed to be any consistency or logical reasoning behind it all. For instance, maybe those who are not going to obtain eternal blessings are to be given temporal mercies here on earth. Or, perhaps godly people are purposefully given trials in order to help them attain virtue. But these theories do no good to  explain anything either. Because sometimes bad people do suffer bad consequences, and many times good people do succeed and receive blessings. Really, there is no rhyme or reason as to why things happen to people, whether good or bad. “The whole arrangement makes God’s judgments all the more inscrutable and His ways unsearchable,” he concludes. 

The Bible tells us that in this world, we only understand “in part.” We aren’t given the full picture. But the frustration and futility of this life give us a reason to long for a day when there will be no more sin and no more confusion, a day when everything will become clear.

Someday, when God receives us into the eternity of heaven, we will see Him “face to face.” This is not necessarily a matter of visually seeing God, since we know He is a Spirit. But on that day, the eyes of our heart will be opened. God will be made known to us and will be perceived by us in a spiritual way that we cannot begin to understand now. We will be disconnected from any feelings tied with sin or our worldly experiences, but only know gratitude to our Redeemer and complete satisfaction in His glory. The perplexity of suffering – the how’s and why’s of the good and the bad in this fallen world – will plague us no more. 

In the meantime, as we navigate life on this earth, we can rest in the part that we DO know –  that everything that happens is under the authority of a loving and just God. And we look forward with longing to that day when our eyes will be opened to experience the love of God untainted by sin. In the words of St. Augustine: “How much greater will be this gift of vision in the hearts of all!”