I’m fine, you tell yourself. I’m okay. I’ll get through this. I’m strong.
But inside, your stomach cramps. Your head aches. Your mind is cloudy and it’s hard to focus on anything.
You try to engage in normal, everyday life. You plaster on a smile and try to put expression in your voice. For a moment you might even genuinely fool yourself. But it’s not long before reality comes flooding back. Your skin is on pins and needles. Every thought requires effort. You continually feel tired and drained.
At night, your brain won’t shut off. It spins and spins. Sleep doesn’t come. You try turning on relaxing music, but sleep still evades. You pray for relief. Nothing. You toss and turn, willing yourself to relax. But your heart continues to race in your chest.
No matter how hard you try to tell your body that you’re fine, it somehow knows that you are not. And it simply will not cooperate.
Emotional pain translates to physical pain.
After Lexi passed away, I noticed that my heartbeat was often irregular. I didn’t think much of it until my sister, who is also my doctor, took note. Before I knew it, I was on a path to see a cardiologist in Kansas City who specializes in that particular type of irregularity. Thankfully, after a series of tests, not-so-fun procedures, and medications, the issue resolved. The cause of it could not really be pinpointed. A broken heart, both emotionally and physically?
What do you do when grief, anxiety, or stress is crippling? When pain is physically tearing at your heart and body, and there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do to stop it?
1 Peter 4:19 is a verse that became vital to me very early in my grieving process. I memorized it and repeated it to myself continually. “Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”
This verse reminded me that everything, including my suffering, is a part of God’s will. And then it pointed me to the two things I am called to do: 1. Entrust my soul to God, and 2. Continue to do good.
Simple. But not necessarily easy.
Entrusting my soul to God was and is an ongoing process. My mind continually wants to take over the guilt, the anxiety, the stress, the future. It is a battle I must fight daily, sometimes even moment by moment. God, I trust you with my soul. You are the Creator of all and know all. You have my best in mind. You love me beyond understanding. I put my trust in you. I give my very soul to you.
With this mindset, I can focus on the second step, “Doing good.” I can continue to put one foot in front of the other, and one step at a time keep doing the best I can with my life.
Many years ago I had the privilege of attending a conference by one of my very favorite authors, Elisabeth Elliot. She experienced the loss of her husband while serving on the mission field in the jungles of Ecuador, when he and four other men were attacked and speared to death by members of the tribe they were witnessing to. When asked how she was able to pick up her life after such a tragedy, she replied that she would simply, “Do the next thing.”
That is what this verse is calling us to do. Whatever “next thing” God puts in front of us, we do it. It may be as basic as washing the dishes or showing up to work. But we do it, and continue to try to make good with whatever it is that is before us.
Elisabeth’s “next thing” was eventually to travel back to the jungle with her young daughter and minister to the very men who killed her husband. What an example of trust and obedience.
When we are going through hard times that threaten to unravel us, we don’t have to do anything great and mighty. We just need to continually entrust our souls to our faithful Creator and continue to do the next good thing. In these simple ways, God will lead us to healing – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
For further reading: Through Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot. The story of the mission of five men and their wives to the Huaorani tribe in Ecuador, and the martyrdom that the men suffered. Fascinating and inspiring!
Thank you Kris. You are an inspiration. Needed this today!
Thanks, Laura. Miss you guys!
I feel your pain
Thanks, Josh. The pain is real, but the blessings overflow. Hope you’re doing ok!
Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you and your faith. It’s an encouragement for sure.
Thank you, BC. Sending love and prayers 🙂
Thankyou Kris!!! You are such an inspiration!!!
Will try to get back in the program in a couple of months.
We are now dealing with my husband Chuck has merkel cell carcinoma
And is getting radiation at MDAnderson Houston Texas .
Most of the kids are doing well. Sonia who is in the HIA is graduating jan19 th. We are so pleased with Sonia’s program.!!!!!!
Can’t wait til she graduates!!! God is good!!
So sorry about Chuck. I’m glad he’s getting good care.
Hopefully see you at that marvelous graduation day!!
Yes, we just take the next step. Thank you for sharing!
Oh Kris, thank you for your words of sacrifice and compassion. I love feeling the hope you give!
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