The week I face ahead of me is the hardest week of the year. Six years ago on January 2, I drove to Oklahoma to spend the day with my 21-year-old daughter, Lexi. We enjoyed the day eating lunch, driving around, running errands, then getting coffee just to prolong our time together. We talked about life, faith, her future. How was I to know that that was the last time I would feel her arms wrap around me in a hug? That that was the last time I would tell her I love her and hear her say, “Love you, too!” Those were the last words I would ever hear her say.
Two days later, on January 4, a police officer would knock on our door with the news that she had passed away. We wouldn’t know for months the cause of her death – that she had gone into a diabetic coma due to lack of care for her diabetes, as she struggled to cope with mental health and addiction.
My world was shattered. My mind couldn’t handle the reality of it. The year before she had done mission work and was finding success in conquering her battles. There was so much hope for her future.
How could I handle the pain of life without my oldest daughter? On the day of her memorial service, God showed me how.
As we walked from the graveside service to the car on that freezing cold January day, I felt numb inside and out. I put my hands in my pockets for warmth and fought with my emotions. How will I ever make it through the church service? God, I can’t do it.
That’s when I felt the piece of paper in my pocket. A receipt? A piece of trash? I took it out to look at it and stared in disbelief. Lexi’s handwriting. It was a church bulletin from months before with her notes and doodles. A smile came over me as I remembered how she could never sit still in church, always fidgeting or chewing on her nails. Taking notes helped her focus. I vaguely remembered the day, months before, when she had tossed me the page of notes after church. As we drove to the service, I read her thoughts on God with pure happiness.
Those notes were a wonderful reassurance to me that Lexi’s faith was secure and she was with God. But they were more than that. They were also a sign to me of God’s provision.
How could it be that those notes had gone unnoticed in my pocket for months, until that very moment of that very day? I knew it wasn’t just a coincidence. I knew it was because a loving God reached down to provide me a glimmer of hope and a reminder that He was there with me. And, much more than that, it was a promise that He would provide everything I needed to get through every single moment of every single day in the difficult road ahead.
And He did. The ways he has provided for me have been endless. They could fill the pages of a book.
And what about all the ways he provided that I never noticed? Times he lifted me up or fulfilled a need that I didn’t even realize or acknowledge? The amazing thing is that God knows our needs before we know them ourselves! And if we stay close to Him, He WILL provide everything we need.
I hope I notice God working within me and around me. I hope I am intentional about looking for His provision and protection, and give Him the credit for the amazing things that happen in my life. I hope I acknowledge and appreciate His goodness, and never underestimate His strength. I hope I give Him gratitude and glory for the ways He takes care of me each day. I hope I never take it for granted.
This week, I feel His provision once again as He allows an opportunity for our family to be together to remember Lexi on the anniversary of the day she left this earth. God provides, even on the hardest of weeks and the hardest of days. Great is His faithfulness.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.”
Isaiah 40:28-29
Wow, Sis,
Tears in my eyes as I read this. Tears of sorrow but also tear of joy. He is so faithful in times of need. The one paragraph for me to meditate on is this one:
“And what about all the ways he provided that I never noticed? Times he lifted me up or fulfilled a need that I didn’t even realize or acknowledge? The amazing thing is that God knows our needs before we know them ourselves! And if we stay close to Him, He WILL provide everything we need.”
May we continue to look to Him as our Refuge, Provider and Redeemer.
Grace and Peace
Thank you, Mike. There’s joy in His faithfulness! 🙂
Intentional is my word for 2024. I want to be intentional in seeking HIM, intentional in giving HIM gratitude, intentional in acknowledging HIS provision and protection. Agree Mike, may we continue to look to HIM as our Refuge, Provider and Redeemer. Praying for you Kris as you journey this week in remembrance of Lexi.
Hugs
I LOVE that. It does take effort on our part, and it is not always easy but so rewarding.
Thank you for your prayers, Gina.
Prayers for you as you journey through this week. I treasure our friendship greatly. 💗
Thank you so much!
Oh Kris, such a God inspired message and so beautiful. Thank you for sharing…praying for all of you.❤️
I so appreciate it!
Praying for you and your family as you navigate through this week. Thanks for the reminder of Gods faithfulness, even when we don’t always know it. ❤️
I’m truly grateful for your prayers
Prayers and love to you and your family today, tomorrow, always!
Thank you. You were one of my sweetest “provisions.” I am forever grateful for the hope you put in my heart.
What a treasure God provided you at the perfect time! Thanks for reminding us to look for His provisions & keep trusting Him to provide when we need it most. Prayers over you all this week. ♥️
This is so beautiful, Kris. I am so grateful that we have a God who sees us and loves us – who has a heart that is tender towards us in our sufferings. Your testimony has so much weight and validity due to the magnitude of your loss – and thus, is profoundly encouraging. Thank you for sharing it. Praying for you and all your family this week.